ammylouise
Weekly Prophet Subscriber
Seventh Year
Posts: 371
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« on: February 21, 2010, 02:16:48 AM » |
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Word Count: 669
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack. Crackcrackcrackcrackcrack.
Summary: James and Sirius go looking for a way to Hogsmeade. They find something different.
A/N: Written for the prompt "Alice in Wonderland" over at the Hogwarts is Home Writer's Block gift fic challenge.
All they had been trying to do was find another passage to Hogsmeade. Sure, they had the Shack, but getting out of that place meant breaking down doors, which was just messy. Not to mention noisy, and therefore likely to draw attention to them when all they wanted was some butterbeer or firewhiskey. That was how James and Sirius had ended up underneath the invisibility cloak, in a dark, dirty, secret passageway.
And that was how they had ended up tumbling down a near-vertical shaft, bright colours and images of – pocket watches? Who had a pocket watch these days? – floating in front of their eyes. James, in particular, hit the ground with a heavy thud, the blow to his head enough to cause him to black out for what he thought was only a few moments.
When he came to, he rubbed his head and sat up, being immediately rewarded with another blow to the head – on the roof? He wasn't even standing upright, that was bollocks! How had he managed to fit in here? Letting out a string of colourful curses, he glanced around, only to see a blue glass bottle on a table, with the words “Drink me” in ornate script on an attached piece of parchment. James blinked a few times at the sight, and shook his head.
“Not bloody likely. What is this, Snivellus' doing?” he muttered, his eyes falling on a door that looked about a foot high. Well, that was what his wand was for, he supposed. Pulling it from his pocket, he aimed it at the wall and muttered “Engorgio!”
Thankfully, it worked. However, the door was only as big as the wall, which was approximately three feet high. Sighing, he manoeuvred himself onto his hands and knees, and crawled through the door, to an outside that seemed, thankfully, normal sized.
“Alice! ...You're not Alice...”
James' head whipped around at the familiar voice to see Sirius, looking crestfallen and in a ridiculous get up. He wore a purple and neon green top hat which was made out of some sort of furry material, and a just as clashing pinstripe suit, in Hufflepuff colours.
“Did you drink that potion back there, mate?” James asked, fighting back a laugh.
“Potion? No, no potions, just tea,” Sirius ran a critical eye up and down James before giving a loud sigh. “I suppose you'll have to do. Come on now.”
James found himself unable to resist his friend grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him in what seemed to be a random direction. He was curious as to what had been slipped into that so-called “tea” of Sirius', since his best friend would not be caught dead in such an outfit. Or in this place. What was this place, anyway?
“We're here! We have enough for tea!” Sirius crowed, and shoved James bodily into the nearest chair. Before him lay an array of sweets and tea pots, but he'd be damned if he ate anything in this place. As he decided this, Sirius took his seat at the head of the table, and smiled placidly at the other attendees (who appeared to be stuffed animals of varying sizes and descriptions) of this tea.
“And now we eat.”
“Over Lily Evans' dead body,” James muttered with a huff, crossing his arms tightly across his chest.
Sirius let out a squawk of disapproval, having obviously heard James' negative response. He loomed – there really was no other word for it – down the table, his hat slightly ajar as those wild grey eyes stared at him.
“And now –” he intoned menacingly, but never finished the sentence, as that was when James was slapped about the face, and sat bolt upright in the darkened secret passageway once more.
“You two are never eating our Herbology project again,” Remus said exasperatedly, wand wavering menacingly between the pair. “You are bloody mental.”
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